I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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