And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
