just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
