Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
