I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
