i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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