I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I came so hard my ears popped.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
