all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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