So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
