You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
