dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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