this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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