Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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