you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize