It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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