READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he shaved USA in his pubs
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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