I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
