Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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