why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am available for nakedness
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
