32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
