Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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