Only a mothe r could love this liver
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
