I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
