Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
