Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
