I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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