I must be too annoying 4 u.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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