If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
