So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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