New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
