Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
