If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
