I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
