just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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