You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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