Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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