are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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