I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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