Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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