Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
