so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
