those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
