Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
