mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
