Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
