4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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