this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
