I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
