Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Houston, we have a squirter
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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