Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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