I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
