I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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