i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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