What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
