I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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