Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
