Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
