Say something about gay babies.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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