You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
