Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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