I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
whose ass print is on the piano?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize