Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I died a long time ago.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
