Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
