so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
