She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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