Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
