I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
should my penis look like a turkey
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize