I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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