Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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