I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize