Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
