if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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