I just saw a hot homeless man
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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