I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
