He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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