What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
