Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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