if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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