And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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