i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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