You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
