Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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