ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
