There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
