So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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