it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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