Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
