I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
