Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
