Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
