Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
