nut hugger
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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