Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
