is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everclear isn't food dammit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize