i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm like, not good at living.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
