You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
