Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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