some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
