I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
