I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think my fart just growled at me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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