i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
