I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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