420 ftw
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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